Despite the upheaval this week, I’m actually feeling very grateful. Often tragedy results in a great deal of gratitude. People step up and surprise you, carry you, comfort you, and you begin to realize all the blessings you have that don’t always show themselves on a day to day basis even though they’re always there. Not only did I learn how much I’m loved this week, but I learned how much people love my crazy dog family too. It’s a feeling beyond gratitude that’s for sure.
1. I’m most of all grateful for Tally making it as easy as she could on us. With Grace, her death was very sudden and unexpected. When we made the choice to put her to sleep, she struggled against it, resulting in months, if not years of guilt and doubt on my part. For Tally it had been a slow decline. I’ve cried about her deterioration for weeks, but we had ample time to find peace with each other and the situation. Each day I wondered if I should make that awful phone call, but on the day she died she made it very clear that it was time. When we took her in, she didn’t struggle. She peacefully laid on that exam table wagging her tail as always, and left us with heavy hearts, but without guilt or uncertainty.
2. I’ve been on the gratitude path for years. This list each week sometimes feels like the only thing I have going for me no matter how short or insignificant the items on it may be. This week, all these years of brain training, if you will, really paid off and carried me through a difficult time. No matter how humane you’re being, the bottom line is, you are making the decision to kill your animal. It’s a really, really tough pill to swallow, and it never gets easier. We had to wait nearly 3 hours between the time we made the decision and the actual “time”, and that whole stretch I found my mind going immediately to places of love and gratitude, and not sorrow and anger. Despite my tears, and occasional uncontrollable sobs, I did have a great deal of peace in my heart.
3. Beyond just being able to find a peaceful path through a difficult situation, I found quite a bit of clarity this week. I was able to distinctly understand certain strengths and weaknesses of not only my current and past pets, but also my friends, family and online community. I learned about ways that I grieve, and ways that The Hubs grieves, which is valuable to a strong partnership, although not everyone gets to find that out about their partners. It has truly been an emotional eye opener.
4. Lastly, Tally took the heat wave with her. It’s currently a gray and rainy morning which matches my mood. I’m sure the sun will show itself eventually as it always seems to do in SoCal. Thanks for that Tally. Everyone is very grateful.
Thank you to everyone for your good thoughts and condolences. I hear you. It’s helping.
I find hope in the darkest of days, and focus in the brightest. I do not judge the universe.-Dalai Lama