Current mood: Exhaustion. During a long dreaded work meeting today, I finally got the text that my friend, Jen, was at the hospital, labor being induced, to give birth to her long awaited baby, Leila (on her due date!) Jen is one of my closest friends and the first person I have seen through labor beginning to end, so this is truly a monumental baby in my life. Plus, my friends and I are a bunch of 30 somethings that hang around together and no one (in our immediate vicinity) has kids, so Leila is kind of like “our” baby. (haha we’ll see who really takes the responsibility once the diapers need changing) Anyway, the ups and downs, the uncertainty about labor, the weird body changes and cool baby movements are all finally coming to fruition and I don’t think I could be more anxious than if I were having the baby myself. I’m sure by tomorrow evening I’ll have all the details along with her first pic with Aunt Betsy.
I arrived home (after the dreaded work appointment went better than expected) to discover an email from my parents telling us that my 98 year old Grandma was throwing in the towel and refusing to take her medications. Now, don’t get me wrong, being 98, I know my Grandma wasn’t going to be around forever, but knowing that she just wants to quit is completely heartbreaking for me. Living through an era when women were subordinate to their male counterparts, my Grandma went against the grain blazing a trail of independence and self reliance. Her no-nonsense philosophy has taught me to speak my mind and be tougher than I ever thought I would be. I could go on forever about all the ways she has impacted my life. My Grandma is also an amazing oil painter ,and our love for ,and interest in art has always been something that has bonded us together (even though she always tells me how she doesn’t understand “that abstract stuff”) Knowing that loneliness and frustration are the driving force behind her wanting to give up on life is something that I am truly struggling to grasp. I cannot imagine outliving all my peers and having to deal with a 98 year old body that no longer works as well as my mind. I suppose living to that age is an accomplishment and a curse.
My joy and sorrow are just wrecking me right now. I suppose this is truly the essence of life; a constant cycle of beginnings and endings that takes you on a journey you can never predict. I know that I will be Ok. I hope my Grandma has a change of heart and lives out all the days that she possibly can. I hope that I can pass on some of her wisdom to baby Leila, and I hope that she will grow up to love nature and art, and to be hardworking, self confident and determined the way that my Grandma is. For tonight, I think I will just go to bed. A new day will bring a new perspective, new energy, and a new Baby.